Sunday, November 29, 2009
Despite everything, i'm happy for you =)
KC...
5:17 PM
I'm flying off tomorrow to Taiwan. Perhaps this is the break which i need from everything. Looking back at this year, there's so much to remember, so much to treasure, but also so much to forget, so much to let go.
The beginning of the year was an enjoyable one. Coming to a new environment, enjoying new experiences - i was indeed happier. I had high expectations about school life and my relationship with my friends. Through this short 2 months, I did have problems with both of these issues, but I bounced back and I'm glad everything turned out even better. I wish all these lasted; this was truly the happiest part of my JC life, but too bad it didn't last.
The next three months were ardous. It was the start of my council journey. Though I do not have any regrets being part of the 85 despite the ups and downs, the beginning was tough in every aspect. I accepted the results of IE, though painfully, and came out of it as a different person. Maybe stronger? Maybe not. Till now, I still do not know. But I took it in my stride.
Then came the June Hols which was eventful. I'm grateful for spending a full week working on something (which I don't really enjoy though) with people whom I will never ever regret knowing and being close friends with. But soon after, the agonising failure after June Hols happened. My studies were in a mess. I truly felt happy for others who did well, but I was just utterly disappointed with myself. I know I didn't work hard enough, but why couldn't I do well with everybody else? I really wished I had people to hold me up then, I expected some to be more understanding. It didn't happen - I broke down and picked up the pieces alone. Perhaps the fault lies in being who I am.
Fast forward to the past 3 months, I tried salvaging what I have and worked hard for everything I believed in. There were bittersweet moments, but without a doubt, these months were the most trying part of this year. The disappointment after promos was awful, but it was not the worst. It was the realisation that my hard work over the past year for studies and everything else was all for naught that dealt the punch. Honestly, this is the very first time when I felt tired about everything in my life. I still love what I do and I still love my friends, but I can see the problems building and cracks forming. Maybe nobody feels the same way as I do, but I am experiencing the stress and pain inside.
Perhaps success is too important to me. Success in terms of work, in terms of friendship and life.
I came across this link from Audible Hearts: "
http://www.audiblehearts.sg/realities/view-reality?id=4" and their depiction of friendship is one which is so fluid. Is there really no everlasting bond? I wish I can shout out all these to people. But even if I do, will things change? Maybe some people are just too busy to try understand how I feel, or have other priorities. Like how the wind blows and fruits ripe, bonds can shift over time and friends do change.
I'm just holding back. Hopefully, everything will be alright.
KC...
1:45 PM
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Many of us are moving on in life, searching for different things and different purposes eh! Sounds chim haha, but I feel this is how stuff are going.
I'm taking life a step at a time, hopefully I will be ready for anything that comes my way - accepting facts, learning more about people, learning more about myself, learning more about how to live life better. ><
"Challenge everything."
KC...
12:49 AM
Sunday, November 8, 2009
i used to enjoy snooping around ppl's blog for more than 10 times a day, but haiz, now there's not much point because a lot of ppl are busy/sian to blog. (hey, i just don't have stuff to write about k! ><)
i was just devastated after promos i guessed, put in so much effort yet it came to naught with such shit results. but what done's done, i just have to move on and work harder and harder till i get what i really want. BUT LET'S NOT DWELL ON THIS!
let's talk about sth happier: i taught my mum to play a duet with me on the piano (sort of)! the song's really really nice, and it's quite simple too. hope someone can play with me when there's a piano :D and I realised (again), that playing the piano is a good way to destress. Hmm, should do it more!
kk, i've to go back to study. to those who've gone through a rough patch, hang in there! everything will be alright... =)
KC...
9:38 PM
