Sunday, July 12, 2009
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
And i'm inspired by this quote. Really. The meaning of it strucked me in its full totality when I read "because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
I can't imagine if I grew up without daring to dream, without wanting to be somebody, without wanting to come to this school because I was scared of failing. Indeed, my desire to come to RI was the most correct thing I dreamt about.
I was not outstanding in my pri sch, I was not a prefect, I was not the top in class, I was not good in sports (i sucked, and still suck, at soccer), I was "considered" good in math because i was in this "math wizard club" (we actually performed a short skit to the school before! haha, it's really funny coming to think about it) but i never had excellent results and i only managed a cert of participation at SMO (which is totally embarassing ><). But I always wanted to come to RI, because my dad told me many great people came from this school, and because it was Big and Famous (i was naive, but it's still true to quite a large extent eh?).
Hmmm, I don't really know how it happened, but I was quite lucky and I got a good enough score to come to this school in p6. Well, if I didn't make it then, I really dunno how my life would turn out today, because I wouldn't have learnt a lot from ppl like Ms Chang, influenced by my seniors, met my friends and made these choices.
Yet sometimes, I regret coming to this school, because it's tough. I mean it, life in RI is indeed tough. School work is tough. Doing well in CCA is tough. Making close friends is tough. Even being yourself is tough. It's because Raffles is such a fantastic place, not being the best means that you've failed. Being too close to somebody makes you so vulnerable to pain when he deals that blow to you. It's so true and so sad.
Failure is so immense; it tears you apart and crushes you into small pieces. But at the end of the day, you'll still stand up once again no matter what. Whether you've become stronger is another issue, but yes, you'll survive. At least I have, albeit feeling more drained each time. Sad to say, this is something which I've tasted so many times this year.
Speaking of failures, i really do not know how to face my father tomorrow. How do i tell him the truth? What will he do? What should i do? What will happen? >< Haiz, what will come has to come. I guess it's something I've to deal with alone painfully. Nonetheless, I'm still standing and tomorrow will come - and it'll be a better day.
ANYWAY, I realised i've been updating my blog everyday. That's not such a great thing, because it means i've been spending a lot of time by the com =( But i'm really heartened to see that there's at least a person who reads my blog, because there's a new tag! :D
Also, I'm glad our group is shifting to higher gears for PW because I really want to get that 'A'! Anyway, who doesn't? ><
KC...
5:54 PM
